The Journey of Men is a lonely one, even if we find ourselves surrounded by those we love.

We are expected to carry the weight of life on our shoulders and be the rock everyone around us can lean on. I've personally embraced that role whole heartedly and I strive to be the best man I can be for my son, for my daughter and for my wife, but leaning into that role comes with a dark side if we're not careful. While I provide strength, direction and assertiveness when needed, and I also need to balance that with connection, vulnerability and compassion.

That is no easy task.

This last week I met a number of inspiring men through new connections online and in person. I appreciated how easy it was for the ones I did connect with to be able to stand confidently in who they knew themselves to be.  How easy it was to feel an ease in exploring the areas we typically reserve for much later in a relationship, if ever at all. There was no posturing and no pressure, just presence. I was in my element. In the past I've had many tell me they could not handle how I show up, that it was uncomfortable to explore deeper conversations with me and why couldn't I just keep it simple. I've had a few tell me there was a time when they outright didn't like me because of it and I've had others tell me they tried to avoid me all together. This came as a surprise, but then I always knew.

While I share frequently over social media, I am still more assertive than I am vulnerable, still more calculated in than I am fully expressed. I keep the really deep concerns, stories and struggles to myself for fear of the judgement and the perception it might create of me. And I justify those emotions as unnecessary, insignificant and just unworthy of sharing.

Deep down I know it is not true , but this is always how it went and so would always be how it goes. All of that changes very quickly when I am around other men who step into their true self. The moment another brother bravely shares their journey, their struggle, their doubts and their celebrations, the flame of my own aspirations are doused with the fuel of creativity.

The problem is that fuel doesn't last very long. And the moment I find myself on my own, I begin to calculate my exit plan. The vulnerabilities arise once again as I put on the armor I've counted on to protect me from those I don't know since I was a young boy.

This is the very same armor we put on when we decide to stop the pursuit of anything outside of our realm of the familiar. It does not matter what it is. The moment we sense that we're in a unfamiliar place, we activate this armor. Because we've told ourselves a story that we've adopted as gospel. We believe we can count on that armor, but it has failed us, we just fail to see the obviousness of it all. We've outgrown our suit of armor.
And we must spend the time to craft a new suit that is versatile and adaptable to a fast changing environment. A suit that will serve us in our future role as a man in this world.

That's the thing about being a man...

Our lives are meant to be lived in the pursuit of something bigger than ourselves. Struggle never goes away. Struggle is our biggest source of fuel.

But If we're not careful our titles, roles and positions will forever trap us in a way of being that does not serve our true objective and likely has not for a long time.
Leaving ourselves resigned to believe that we might never realize our ideas to their fullest potential.

Here's something you already know....

Having your shit together does not mean you're living the life you want. And you're only as effective as the men who stand in your corner. The simple truth is this....The journey that got you here is the one you needed to take, but it will not get you to where you say you want to go. And only when you're ready to let go of who you are not, can you then embrace the hero you know yourself to be. The hero tasked to take up the challenge bestowed upon you; to live a life to the fullest potential of your ability. The work to do is write how you want that story to go.  

Surrender to curiosity

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